I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
how can u be prego again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
