I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
