last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
