You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
