We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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