Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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