I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize