I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Farmville is her only friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize