No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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