; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
