yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
