I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
