I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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