I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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