he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
