We're facebook friends in real life
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
