how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
