actually, I'm a sock model
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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