this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have fence marks all over my body
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
