we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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