apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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