Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
