sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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