a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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