My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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