The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
