I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
