I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
