Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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