I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
