Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
