my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
