the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
