Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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