so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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