She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
