I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
