I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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