And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
