She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
