How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
