Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
