just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
