areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize