We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
