My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
