I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
