i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
