I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
