So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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