just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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