Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
