I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's great music for shaving your balls
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
