Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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