the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
