my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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