Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
