I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
