totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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