For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
