Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
