whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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