She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
