Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
