in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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