make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize